From insanity back to reality

2010-04-28T22:39:00.002+08:00

Between two positions in a single stand

a single mistake, could land me motionless and nothing.

a single mistake, could make me lose everything

a single mistake, could take me a step closer to god

just a single mistake.

I've been better, seen better, felt better.

Guessed that im fine tuned.

2010-02-22T06:08:00.006+08:00

Essence of a family

A happy family is but an earlier heaven - a quote from a book i read

every child deserves to have a loving family to be there for them through the good times and bad. the last time i recall this situation is when i was very very young, perhaps at the age of 5 or 6. It was the time when i was in kindergarten. my mom would pick me up everyday, hug n kiss me every now and then. never to leave me by myself. i led an easy life. happiness at every single corner i seek. i find serenity in every step i took. food was in abundance. one of the reasons i grew fat.

life soon took a change for me when i was in primary 1. though my mom still looks after me, i could somehow feel that its drifting apart slowly. no longer were the days where the whole family eats together, went out together. my friends got cool and expensive toys when they were my age back then. my present was from the toy machine. it cost my mom 20cents. how could this 20cents ever compare to the things my cousins, neighbours and friends get when they were at my age? i couldnt say anything much back then. i couldnt say much as i was too young to even think of anything but i remembered dat day well.

i started saving up for my own presents when i was in early primary school. $1 a day is my allowance in my early primaries.. i saved that up just to get a toy dat i had my eye on. it cost about $30. it was also the time where everything were restricted for me. i couldnt get this and that. im sure u guys out there got to ride the mini car thingy, the one where u pay the uncle/auntie for a 30mins ride around the area. im sure u guys played the inflatable playground where there were plastic balls at the end of the slide. i got none. all i could afford to do was to watch others play from afar. i remembered those instances well.

u guys could say that i grew up in grudges of the people around me. my dad werent always home, my sis is always busy with her guy, my mom, working till late nites. every time i went back from from school my house is always empty. silent. the only sound dat is left were from the birds dat my dad kept and the constant grumblings of my stomach as there arent any food at home most of the time. i grew up in a empty house in a way if u guys were to see it in my point. but i dont think u guys do care anyway. i hate it when its raining. i dont carry an umbrella with me to school so when it rains, i need to walk under it as if i were to be home late, m parents will get mad at me. i find this weird as they werent home at all. the other primary school students went back with transportation, raincoats, umbrellas. all i had was my hair, covering my scalp. i remembered those rainy days well.

if u guys were to ask me where i get most of my love from, my answer would be that i get them by watching others around me. i get it by giving m time n attention to the animals around me since i got tons of them at home. i got myself pets after pets, showering them love as i dont wish that they to grow up empty and cold. though my pets cant speak to me or hug me or feed me or shower me or love me, i feel content and happy. its like a special bond between me and my pets. my pets would always response to me well instead of the others around me. i love animals more than i love other people.

being a kid i tend to cry whenever i dont get the things i want. but i learnt dat crying doesnt get u anything, u wont get picked up from ur parents, u wont get hushed from them. but instead more beatings and scolding will fall upon me. i was taught to harden myself. being soft will only lead to more heartaches n heartaches arent nice. since young i hold back my tears. when i couldnt take it anymore i would run to somewhere where nobody can see me as i was afraid that they would beat me n scold me further. i was taught to runaway or my emotions and from my emotions. i remembered those lessons well.

they said that parents must always be there when their child receives an award or anything good. my parents were always busy with their jobs. i've always regard empty seats as my parents when im on stage. when i received my first bursary award, i didnt see my sister there, my mother there nor my father. but i do see the other students family around them, applauding their child's achievement. i was always at the back, siting to rows of empty seat whenever i got an award for anything. friends couldnt compare to the feeling of a family member. somehow this led me to hate recognition but it also makes me love recognition as i can feel the love of the other people family members around me. i feed on dat to make me feel alive and going. i remembered all my award ceremonies well.

the way to a man heart is through his stomach. if my stomach was always empty, wat different is my heart then? dont get me wrong now, i can cook simple dishes and i can bake some cute little cookies. but the things i done for myself just doesnt compare to a parent's cooking. its like they add in some other ingredient to the food. back then i didnt noe wat it is, but now i know, its called the parents love. i lack of that. i longed for that, i needed that. my food always taste the same no matter how much i try to make it better. back then when i couldnt finish up my food i always get scoldings, till i had to force them down my throat just to avoid the blistering of the constant high pitch yellings from my mom and the silent slashes of the cane dat came from my dad. i did nothing wrong, i did nothing wrong. i did nothing wrong.

i dont like to stay home as i hate silence. i grew up in silence. i hate to stay home as there arent any food for me to eat, i hate to stay home as there are always a cold war going on every now and then. i hated my home, yet i need my home.

A man travels the world over in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it.

I dont. never. but i hope i do one day.

2010-01-24T14:53:00.002+08:00

9 more.

The number 9 has lots of significance in my life back then. My birthday was on the 29th, my ex birthday was on the 19th, we were together on the 9th. All 9s. At least i dont have any dreams of that girl anymore in my dreams. Its like as if she was replaced by someone/something else in my past or so i think it is uh. Well dreams are just ur sub-conscious state of mind. You cant control it and u thought u dont want it but in reality u wanted in to be true and you love it if its true

If only i could control my dreams n such, wouldnt it be nice?

I would make the world a cadbury, weeds to be legal, people lined up side to side against the wall preparing to be killed if they were found guilty of not smoking weed. Aint that a world. And certainly i would want to be someone noble in my dream where i would be appreciated everywhere i go, getting every food i want unlike my reality. Nice aye? I would line u up as well if i hated ur face

Well, i dont wanna be ~~friends.~~

2010-01-14T13:57:00.002+08:00

990th post.

This wouldnt be as great as back then as i doubt people read this shit now. Updating for the sake of updating AND im reaching to my 1000th post soon. Nothing much happens these days apart from the fact that i took in some organic shits early this week. Kinda great.

Dosage of shits and sins

The feeling was like amplified to its maximum, if it have one in the first place. It started with a slight buzzing sound at my ear n i just shrugged it off thinking dat its my songs that i was playing. There was a slight feeling of my blood running up stream, starting from my toes and straight up to my fucking brains. then knew the peak is there. I struggled to grab my fucking dumb earpeice and blast the songs by infected mushroom. The feeling was great as it was almost like a hallucination but occurring only when my i shut my eyes. The vibes starts to get worse when i shook my head, following the grooves of the fast paced beat. There was a slight lag in my movement but fuck this adds pleasure to my whole fucking body.

Part 2

I then decided to meet my idiotic gf. I stumbled across the room to get out laughing to myself in my plight. I got of of the house, laughed my way down. the journey from my house to hers was about 500m but it seems that i walked forever as i was hallucinating that the ground was as soft as jelly. Just imagine walking on jelly when ur drunk. Then i saw her and i said WOW. She was like wtf at first.

she started talking to me but i shut my eyes sub-consciously. i heard what she said, i felt what she felt, i know what she speaks about. I open my mouth to talk. sounds did came out of it bud sadly it was only part of my hallucination. the sound of her voice is blurry, distant yet loud. I smiled i laughed i flinched. But i couldnt get words out. all i could do was to say "hahahahaha"

Part 3

She then dragged my useless half 'drunk' body home. I vomitted out my food dat i had earlier dat mourning. The action of vomiting is amplified due to the effects of the high. Imagine ur mouth crammed into the position, ur body arched, ur brain juiced out and this feeling sticked with me for about 30 mins. fuck it.

we reached home.

i undressed

she undressed

aint that great as the rest was history.

Childhood is the kingdom of lives. nobody dies there, they just got old.

2009-11-20T10:11:00.002+08:00

Tranquil, serene and bliss

Its been quite long since i last wrote here. things changes around me yet again. constant fights, paranoia, affairs, scandals and deceits. You guys may thing this is happening within me but yet its in my own house. yeah my dad is having another scandal with another foreign slut. saw thier pic yet again. Should i spill this to my bearers r shud i just keep it shut within me yet again?

The other thing is that a common name pop up again in my msn list. Though i thought this name had been long dead. after approximately 3 years, the fucking name popped out again n its exactly how i spelled it back then. The serene feelings seeping through this beating heart yet it bears some bitterness for every beat this heart makes.

Im just updating out of random thoughts, out of boredom, and out of rue.

Nobody read this anyway. so who give a fuck

989th post

2009-07-24T14:02:00.003+08:00

Another shits.

I hope that some of u guys played the poker cards. im gonna tell u some shit with this card and my theory of it againts this world. and somehow i think that it can actually predict some things in ur life. if u ask me how i noe this shit, i will answer u this. Grab a deck of card and count it.

ace value is 1. jack is 11, queen is 12, king is 13. u add all this shit up and u will get 354. And joker is the trump card. the value is 14/5x4. it will get u approximately 11.2. u add this to 354 n u will get 365. that is the average number of days in a frigid year.

that will be all for now. i wanna think shits on this one. im about to get a breakthrough once more. soon i will update my theory on life equation and the set of cards theory. till then shits

2009-07-17T10:27:00.001+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDF5ldAo8_U&feature=rec-HM-r2

A video of my band when we used to be together.

sadly its now over. fuck u guys

2009-07-11T14:02:00.002+08:00

Fallen

Graffiti decorations
Under the sky of dust
A constant wave of tension
On top of broken trust
The lessons that you taught me
I learned were never true

Now I find myself in question
They point the finger at me again
Guilty by association
You point the finger at me again

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

Paper bags and angry voices
Under a sky of dust
Another wave of tension
Has more than filled me up
All my talk of taking action
These words were never true

taken from "runaway"
what can u do when ur in the state of decay?
what?!

hahahhahaa

2009-07-08T07:48:00.003+08:00

A cancer fled his soul, dissolving.

Framed amid the thick of fire, aflamed a valkyrie.

She claimed the skies was lit with spires

And in his eyes, she swan, a goddess.

For only when, gripped in darkness

We will shine amidst the brightest stars.

On a side note, me and my gf had already reach the 2 years mark. let me rephrase in my own words. WE ARE FUCKING 2 YEARS BITCH!. but we did not celebrate it there n then as we had no time for ourselves yesterday. we postpone the so called celebration to the 12th of july. so instead we sat down n talk things in our life, the time span and its content. Trust me im content and happy.

we sat down n talk bout of exes, life, religion and such. Im in an open cage theory type of relationship. this means that we can roam around with the fishes even if we are achored down to the abyss itself. simple theory, but its hard to see people live through this. and the conclusion of this so called talking session i had with her is this, i wouldnt be so surprised if we to get back to each others exes. its complicated. the thinking process may kill u if u were to think bout this.

But the again, hate me, love me for all i care.

N still i would wish her Happy 2 years Anniversary.

I may not noe the real definition of love itself n neither do i even take this as love but hey, we have been together for quite long n i would say dat i enjoyed the things we done n seen. clearly u had tried to change me for the better n i applaud u for that, i would say thanks n hug u straight.

n btw, thanks for the cute song u sang me yesterday. thanks

till then

2009-06-25T16:33:00.002+08:00

Nyahahaha!

its been fun these few days. i really enjoyed shitloads at sch and i also got to noe this cool website from them. its preety sick but hey its great. the link is on my previous post so pls do check that out. so far only one of my friend went to that link. nyahaha i love it!

other than the website update, i just wanna tell u guys that im fucking down with a cute flu. i thought its gonna be a normal flu uh like normal fever + cough + runny nose. but it turned out to be a suyper fever. reaching 39.5 degrees bitch. rthe doc told me that if this dumb fever lingers on for 3 fucking days, i must be prepared to go quarantine. so far its been 2 days. just a day away from judgement. and i heard that loyang quarantine base suck shitballs. u cant interact with the other assholes who got infected. and there i am thinking and pondering to invite some Geylang girls to rule out some things. NAYAHHA

well my current temp no is 38.1 degrees. i guess its fading off. bleargh. so much for hoping to be qarantineeeeeed.

owh ya. here another link, its about animal torture. You guys should see it.
Stop animal abuse
seriously not for the girlish girls who would go eeeek blood!

2009-06-23T11:38:00.000+08:00

visit my old blog guys i've updated it

2009-06-10T01:01:00.002+08:00

This is a sneak preview of my hari raya clothes.

SNEAK PREVIEW!!

2009-06-09T04:52:00.002+08:00

my thoughts for the world

relieve me of my tension. how would u guys feel if years of friendship just gone to waste over subliminal issues. u guys may say that one party should be the starter to give in. well, i did give in even though i dont really noe the facts that lead to this. friendship. is the definition of it just being a hi bye salutations? or will it be care and concern? or perhaps mutual understanding of each other? or better all of the above?

friendship, is it just based on thin air? where u can just take it in and just breathed it out like waste as u had taken in the goodness? is it just a piece of paper where u wud junked it and waste it once u used all the spaces up?

given my stance, my grim nature to the people of this world, im humane enuff to forgive and forget. u guys noe me as i dont like to say sorry and such. but then again, its all my side of story. i wanted to noe the real facts behind this all n not from the mouths of others before me. yet u kept silent and dumb. why?

if u were to think of misdeeds. hey, i did nothing much onto ur lives but yet, u called me names and denounce me of my religion and such. n being a friend to u that i am back then, i just keep cool. u guys noe that i can flare up big time given the current circumstances. but did i? even if i did, how long would i take to cool down? how long would i take to give u my heartfelt salutations? how long is that in ur time? compare to the things u did and the time frame, its long for me. its been aproximately 9 months i suppose. aint that long enuff? just wat am i to u?

n to tell u the truth, i think u would come back sprawling on the floor seeking our solace once ur friends abandon u. n given ur current status and charisma, u would lose them eventually. how could u base ur friendship on ur own thoughts? u need to hands to clap. and to my point of view, u lost both hands. ur on prosthethics.

dont u worry, i will be there once more to see ur downfall. n i will be there to pick u up. swallow the bitter pill called pride. u aint goin anywhere in this world. u may win the fight, but u lost the battle. u lost every inch of urself. stop denying. stop deceiving. stop lying. if u think this is just another crap to ur profound way of digesting and thinking process, by all means, denounce me as ur friend once again. but this time, straight to my face. but if u dont, im sure u noe wat to do.

2 wrongs wont make any right. think bout it.
if u had forgotten me, my name is Nat.

2009-06-07T01:51:00.002+08:00

i watched from afar

from the edge of my constant paranoia
if u were to ask me what is love,
i would stared blankly, uttering nothing
i would not speak, nor sleep, my insomnia

as these people change,
are you content and happy?
your empty and strange
but what different am i to you?

i may walk through the streets
i may walk through you
just what makes me tick?
heh, that is all up to you.

im a broken masterpiece
an admirer of the past
i live on the present circumstances
but fear the things that last

i just realised, i lost myself
to my very own lover
my art hidden in the tears of others
only to be seen when im done and over

i be blind
you be you
i can see.
but you just cant

2009-06-02T01:17:00.002+08:00

For forever will i be embedd this way till the end.

side story

if there is an end to the things i see.

I just love the nostalgic moment that i had in my life. 4 years had passed and now it came back from nowhere. the serene contours of the facial features sends nothing but bitterweet memoirs down my head. embedd there till its erased by death itself. dangs. if only it was meant to be.

im not hoping. this aint my plea but just a statement of my life that i state before u guys out there if u cared enuff to read this hell hole.

i will go down in history only for the bad things i've done unto others.

and i noe for u, i will go down in history for a guy who had given u a plushie for valentines.

thats all. i lost my will years ago. i lost my mind years ago. i lost my drive recently. come what may, for i will only stand corrected.

i won a fight and lost a war.

2009-05-14T00:29:00.002+08:00

is ur judgement based on assumption?

its been awhile aint it? its 12.30am. its a thursday mourning. i cant really sleep with the heavy thought on my mind. i noe i think too much for my own good. but..

i just hate the late night thoughts. i love the breeze it brings.
im like the coin, 2 sides.
take a flip, and tell me, are u lucky?

2009-04-24T08:17:00.002+08:00

The sick shitcakes

its sad to see dat my night life is going gone. no more fucking late nights to fuck people up, no more fuckin pornography to tease my fucking frens. its jus simply school home sleep. fuck it la sia. well nothing much to update currently. im in class n im fucking bored. i wanna fuck someone up today. trust me.

the iritating feeling always lingers in the bloody mind. with all the new shit around i somehow feel dat im cornered for no fucking reason. well im a paranoid ashole. welcome to my state of mind were nothing is a blur. just a fucking distorted view on the tragic fragile life itself

2009-04-21T18:37:00.002+08:00

I've seen places and things

finally i got wat i've been wanting for. its not dat great but its still something aite? like i always state, the grass is always greener on the other side. u guys noe where i wanna be. im not gonna be a big showoff n boast dat i got into a new school n such. dats just wrong dude. i've been to their positions before. i understand it. now i've gone to something new. im still learning it.

3 years is gonna be long.

i will earn my place. i will buy u wat u want. give me time k dear?

2009-04-19T11:22:00.002+08:00

if i were to be

when the time comes, i be a dad. hopefully a proud one at dat. singing praises to my son or daughter. i wish him/her not to be the butt of jokes nor the sight of sympathy. i would give them lots of cash once they have their partners by their side. i wouldnt want them to be pathethic, to be envious of the things they see around them. wanting lots of stuffs but can never ever get them but only to admire the sight of it from afar. nor do i want my children, especially my son to always say his full whenever he is out with his friends or whoever close with him.

and i would make sure dat he would not face a situation of having $5 per week scenario. coz i swear its hurts alot.

2009-04-09T06:50:00.002+08:00

the folowing post is made by me 2 years back. i nvr did publish this post n i cant recall the reason why.. i read through it a couple of times n i realised dat i nvr did change my brian totaly. n i dont recall to whom im suppose to write this to. its too late to post this but i just wanna share this with u guys out there.
sweet cheers mates.

Dust to ashes.

Jealousy, my heart, I turn to you
Begging only for relief
Never before have I wanted so little
But never before has so little meant so much

Anger, my companion, I settle on you
Please once more push me to the edge
I want nothing more than to fall
Just to simply fall away

Betrayal, you reside in my sanctuary
As my millionth tear rolls down
Such a silent, soft, and painful tear
Who knew that so little could hurt so much?

In secrecy, this pleading heart
Wants not but to be complete
For it has never once been whole
And only felt rejection.

You dont need a broken heart to know a heart can be broken. we dont need to be decieved to know a lie can be spoken. words reapeatin over and over. as i noe this feelings can never cease in me. the shivers of the tree is nothing but the wind. the shivers of a human is nothing but losing. how can love hurt so bad, yet be the most wonderful feelin.. neither do u have the anser to this common saying.

but im thankful for the things dat is happening infront of my eyes. from a bud to a bloomed rose u became. but even a bloomed rose has its flaw. it will hurt one day. one day it will die. nature revolves. nothing last. the only thing is ur faith in god. if only u can be warned before ppl stabs u directly in heart. but then again, wats the use. the pain is still the same. only regrets remain in blood.

as i place my hand onto my chest, beatings cease the moment u left. have u stole it?
u did.

2009-04-09T04:01:00.002+08:00

Vendettas

just another vendetta to be with another. another slain, another gain to my side. im bored, i cant feel my head animore. its too boring till portions of my brain chose to do a genocide. so im left with some of it. its like these every nite or till i get into my new school. sometimes this doesnt feel rite. n sometimes they noe. im a player, playing the game dat never ends till my feet reached 7 feet down.

im young. free. can u bound me?

someday i will tell u a truth dat is based on a lie. and a lie dat is based on a truth.
lies and truth, which do u choose?

i will give u a bouquet of roses, 1 red 3 white. nyahhaaa.......
this aint the life dat it shud be.

2009-04-06T05:52:00.003+08:00

I've tasted more

just got to noe some weird shits from someone bout another someone. well i wuldnt care much if u have issue on this aniwae as ur no longer taking me as ur mate animore. like i said before to all those who knew me, i dont pry onto ur life u dont pry onto mine. simple as dat. n now i've learnt dat u cant accept me being with her? this aint a silverscreen where u can just stop n play the things u wanna see n pause the things u wanna see forever n ever or till the day ur fucking eyes fails u n ur fragile body. its good dat u knew me from inside out n such. but ur judgement fails u this time as u had forgotten or perhaps bypass the fact dat its the humane nature to change its course of thoughts or principle. what drives u to this state? what drives me to this state? have u asked urself this question? or perhaps ur too darn smart dat u over read this nature?

i have to admit dat i do flirt n such. but hey wat better are all of the guys n most important u? guys have lust dont they? girls hates us for this but this is wat maketh a guy. care n concern can only be as deep as ur skin. but can it go to the extend of hoping dat im not to be united with her? trust me, i can do as i please in my life. for im the director, the dictator of my own fate. i can even end the things i have with her rite now for all i care. i lost myself n i can lose myself again. its fairly easy. have u seen life tu my eyes? have u felt dat grass is always greener on the other side? have u felt dat ur incomplete even though u have practically everything u ever wanted? have u? do u understand me? do u feel me? do u get me? are u even me?

we are still young.

i dont consider myself matured. i dont consider guys around my age matured. look at all those sotgun shits. are they matured? are u matured? so what is maturity? the state of thinking or just ur humane form changing its state? u dont judge urself. others judge u. no matter how hard u try saying dat ur this n dat coz at the end of the day, its the others around u dat makes the final say upon u n ur story or ur judgement.

whats wrong with u?

i've been taught not to feel the matters of the heart. u guys cant change me. only u can change urself. dats true aint it? if u feel dat u can treat her better than i suggest dat u go n take her away to some weird places in ur mind. if u can do so then by all means go. i will give u my blessing, my heart, my time and my tears. to what length can u go? to what extend can u breach?

sorry, i kept this way to long

all guys arent attached unless they go through the final rites of wedding ceremony. think bout it.
whats with all the tears of sadness n joy? u can live without tears.
i've glazed my heart with the actions u speak.

this aint the life.

2009-04-02T20:01:00.000+08:00

2009-03-27T12:56:00.002+08:00

Maggie Curry

the world is caved in, a proper sorry frown

bleargh. if i were to call, u will be with ur heart. if i were to call the others, they will be in their glory. if i were to call her, she wud be there. but the plans were never stated. so to whom shud i go n who shud i call? and if i were to call the 7 yrs friendship up, its always given dat he is busy doin nothng with his nothingness. this is not a statement of maturity. its not forced but its given.
its all up to u if u wish to pursue the callings of the heart.

u got to walk away now. its over

2009-03-26T10:02:00.002+08:00

just another fact

do u noe dat astronauts cant cry when they are in space? the reason is dat the gravity there dont allow them to do so.

what am i to do, when all lays open?
should i sit and stay or wait for you?
open your eyes to my devotion
this is my question, my quotion, what is your motion?

ahhaa ran out of ideas. shall continue this if i have any more bright ideas

2009-03-22T02:34:00.003+08:00

Whats the use?

its no use sending out ur points verbally at home. cause they will just kept their fucking ears shut. wats the use goin home if there is no joy or anything of the sorts? when i step home all i can hear is just silence. my mom doin her things, my sis out somehwere, my dad flirtin his ass somewhere. im left alone with myself n my housemaid which i rarely talk to. just for the records i hate the silence between us all, there is only the tv, the fan and the constant chirps amongst the birds whenever we are sitting together as a family. wats this? n i thought family is all bout mutual understanding and complete affection towards each other

i can now hold a knife at home n points it to anione. dats how bad it is. the reason i hate goin home n always go back late is simple. i hate this house due to this fact. its great to go home late night as everybody is asleep. no bitter silence just a peaceful hymn dat rings in my ear. yes it hurts to go on like dis but is the least i could do for them n me. stop judging me about me n my family about me n my constant boredom at home and about mas goin home late.

u guys dont get it do u?
all u guys could do is just pass lame judgement and to critisize us. just who the fuck u think u are? my family? my sis? my dad? my mom? me? ur just a fucking outsider. stay dat way if u noe wats good for u and ur ailing health. u guys are just strangers.

strangers.

2009-03-19T13:55:00.002+08:00

Abstractions of the new things

Gone in 4hours. i nid to get out of this house, its not the fact dat im bored as usual but due to some conflicts at home. this is not the ferst time but its way too much. my mum, my dad, my sis, my housemaid, all of them are affected in a way or the other. from the beggining of last october, i hate this house. its always been like tables set for 4 with one by the door. im at the door. n now the one sitting with them is causing the stir. my dad is havin an affair. my mom is having a breakdown, my sis is fuckin dissapointed. n me, just dumbstrucked

so i had to go. i dont wish to slap anyone's faces. i dont wish to break my lovely furnitures. i dont wish to hurt anyone. coz i noe if i were to stay, they wud suffer serious issues in their life. u guys noe me rite? so i went cycling just to clear my shithead off, loosen some fucking tight knots. i will continue this post if i have the time or if i even bother kays?

2009-03-17T05:17:00.001+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHvB-fz5rDE

here is the link to see its trailer

2009-03-17T05:08:00.002+08:00

Nostalgic

im fuckin excited for the official screening of my age old movie sequel, The Storm Riders. a movie dat was screened 11 years ago. 11 years ago la sia i was like only 8 years old back then. now they are gonna show it again! its childish but heck uh sia its gonna be great as the effects are top notch shitakes n i just love the ferst movie. then to make things more great/happening, they are making Mortal Kombat 3. talk bout nostalgia. this is so making me feel like a kid once more. onion-ringthe old Taufik with the dumb onion-ring inspired specs n my ever famous mangkok hair. i did mangkok before i went flat top kays.

2009-03-16T05:59:00.002+08:00

R E A L I T Y

bleargh who am i kidding again. fuck im bored. my hair is suckky. ur another fuckface who reads this meaningless post. just wasted ur ti here rite? good. then i've done my job as a idiot. if ur unhappy pls do place a snail on ur forehead. u can see the world by then

2009-03-13T21:04:00.002+08:00

When ur reading this, take it as im whispering to ur ear

another day to rot at home. another great day of losing something. another great day of false pretence. another great day of boredom. i guess dis day is cursed, as i lost a pack of ciggies due to carelessness. to u guys it may not be as big but to me it is as i dont get cash very often. i need to save up like a cunt. can u get me a job?

can u get me a job?
can u spare me from my boredom?
can u ask my mom to shut it?
can u ask the world to stay still?
can u see dat at the end of the day its u n urself?

now read it as if im screaming to u
fuck u shithead

2009-03-04T03:20:00.002+08:00

Dear girl

the dusty pages of a worn out book
beating it takes throught the years
proudly gets picked up again
to flashback on how it all began

your're always the controversy of my mind
as you are at the surface of my heart
how i wish you're my reflection, my silhouette
as i could make you a smile you can never forget

at each passing day, i would dread
to the fact that i may no longer feel the love of yesterdays
and yet, i would fall again in love, with you
how can i ever feign ignorance to your luster, your beau?

and now its stains with red, not of wine
the tragedy that follows and shatters
for i cant get the one that is rightfully mine
i lost every word, everything that matters

a solemn toast to a solemn lost
to my dearest girl whom i love and always will
thanks for the glances and the missed chances
for u will always be in my eyes when time comes to a stand still

so as i turn the pages on this dusty book
that is beaten from the years it took
and as i read this forgotten chapter
i will take it all in as if its on rapture

this will not end as im not with the heavens
but i be there with you my one sided love, on the seventh
for thats my final day on this forsaken, lonely land
as i've been infected by a plaque that turns my my heart to sand

i will see you there, in my imperfect form
you will be there with all the angels
and i will start from where i lost
to take you from where you came from

and that is from me..

2009-03-04T03:10:00.002+08:00

Time swings and the leaves will fall

Growing up with you, was more than just a blessing.
But true, it is, to say, our souls were often wrestling.
Adolescence bred change, but we never did envision
Our bond being broken as a result of that transition.

For one spark of remembrance (though hearts age)
I would gladly trade manuals, in hope to rearrange...
Whatever it was that led us down separate paths.
Sitting on our swings, I hear echoes of our laughs.

The left swing was always mine, you took the right.
We'd fly in motion. I would console and you'd excite.
With our animated expressions, each plan was born.
Plans built to share, as "friends forever" we'd sworn.

But looking back on tracks we made; hazy in my mind
It is evident that any plans, were unduly left behind.
The park no longer enchants, loneliness now swings.
And watching leaves fall, reminds me of such things

Yet, every so often, I gaze upon a girl I once knew.
Who that girl is now, however, I haven't got a clue...
I recognise her face, her hair changes every season.
But beneath that crown, is a sparse galactic region.

2009-03-03T05:00:00.002+08:00

Can u ever?

i think im sick, dick sick. some may get it some dont. its been awhile. where is my prime? i wanna be an alpha male, taking all guys as compettitors in this sex driven world. but sadly singapore just dont permit dat. sad. imagine all the shits u gonna see, the tits u gonna touch n u, in ur highest glory strutting ur shits.

wow i think im horny.
i jus misplaced a word in my brain.. n i cant seem to get it into the right place. bleargh.

2009-02-28T05:35:00.002+08:00

The story of block 455

It may sound like another sound like another dumb story to be told from me but maybe it may sound like a cool propagandafrom the past, who noes aniwae. this is the tale of block 455, my old apartment. its not dat far from my current state but still its a big relief to be free from dat hell hole.

i was frigin young back then, around kindergarden perhaps. too young to noe anything yet to young to see everything. to see evrything in the weird/deranged view on life at home. im not brought up in a nice lookin apartment, no aircons no comp no nothing. heck it was ard 1993 back then. go figure the technology back then shitcakes. like every small kids, they tend to get scared of the dark. i have every reason to do so back then as i can see things in my house back then. u name it i saw it.

things ranges from weird marble sounds rolling above the ceiling. may sound common but the house above us is vacant. nobody is there. my old tv set would switch on n off any time it wants, cooking sounds were to be heard every no w n then when nobody is at the kitchen. constant banging of doors in the house n the apparition of my dad seen at home when he is faraway from home.

it got so bad dat my mom once told me dat my 'dad' tried to sleep with her on one particular night only to be foiled when my real dad arrives home. i would constant cry whenever there is a drop in temeperature or even a random visit from my father's friends. i would have this flashback of the things in my house. disfiguration of the people around me is normal when i get this flashbacks. my mom saw a human hand, from the finger to the wrist walking around the house. its worst than normal haunted house.

so my dad tried to flush this things off using his means but the things in my house are way to strong for him to handle. n my mom would always get into fits eversince my dad tried to flush them out. i saw all of these back then but i was too young to be scared of these things n i thought its normal. i once saw bedbugs coming out from the floorings. yet the floorings have no cracks. they just appear no matter how hard i tried to kill them back then.

my parents told me the reason dat we moved house is due to the fact dat there are bedbugs but now being the age dat i am now, i finally realised the truth. its due to the constant paranoia of being watched n disturbed.

so my question to u guys is, how save is your own home n if u have moved hous recently, what is the main reason? is it due to cash shortage or just the paranormal? we dont live alone in these world afterall.

NYAHAHAHAHHA

2009-02-27T00:48:00.003+08:00

Bleargh

as u noe it, im bored again. i wanna ask u guys a question, but i noe u guys wont answer but here it goes aniwae. How do we feel? is it through the heart or thru ur brain? coz as far as i noe, we cant do anything without our brain let alone feel. so wat is 'heart'? is it just a side name for ur emotional mind or just an excuse for the heartbroken or emotional people out there?

wat do u think?

i want facts, not ur old grandma's tale of nonsensity

2009-02-25T22:34:00.002+08:00

Crime fighter in Nat's nose.

I bet you can recognise the differences between my English and Nat's English plus the topic that is going to post up here. So,Nat asked me to update his blog.

Here I go..

UPDATED! UPDATED! UPDATED! UPDATED! UPDATED! UPDATED! UPDATED!

I'm just fucking bored and I have no fugging idea what should I post here..

Oh,Nat has a sleeping habit. He sleeps anytime he want. And he just love to make me angry! Tido mcm mayat.. Btol kate ruddie.

Soon,Nat will be schooling at RP. And and,he got a new laptop with webcam la siolololololo! Darn!

What more should I say?

2009-02-25T22:07:00.003+08:00

Aspires

here is the current update of my life.

-life in school is great
-got a new home comp
-got a personnal laptop
-goin to get free cash from my mom
-buyin new clothes for my new school

other than dat, life at home is rather booring. nothing much to do at home other than to drool at my new lappy or perhaps to strum a few chords for old time sake. on a side note, my blog have a hidden memoranda somewhere. try to find it, if u do pls tell me n suggest what wud go there. porn or perhaps some unseen photos of me in the buff?

time will tell then.

2009-02-20T00:30:00.001+08:00

this is boredom.

this is a boring post.
the bleak n blank life at night.
its so boring dat i wish i could shit out squids n take them as pets

2009-02-19T03:26:00.002+08:00

Expenses

just a quick check on ur minds. the current craze in town is most certainly Nikkon cams. im not sayin dat these is no longer a passion n such but look around u guys, look at the guys/girls/half genders at the esplanade, they use these cams to take snapshots at the most dumbest thing, themselves. then again, its not wrong but i thought dat pictures holds a thousand words but those pics they took holds one words. BAHAN. these cams are suppose to take the natural beauty, to zoom in on certain angle, tp diffuse certain lightings, to get angles. but these people get all these by photoshop. i aint no cameraman dats y i stoop to photoshop. i have my reason, but they on the other hand have no absolute reason. if ur frens faces sucks shitcakes then pls dont take pics of them or perhaps revamp their faces on the nearest road u guys see. please.

its suppose to be a passion. not a trend. another passion gone to waste is skateboarding. i hate skateboarders last time. but due to ceratin time movement n mind's evolution, im ok with them but heck dis mind is changed yet again when i see floats (mats with floating, air defying caps) started to chew on it. its fine n dandy if ur good at it. these guys use skate as an excuse to score on chicks. not the X-edge chicks but minahs?! minah is better off with 2A bike dudes btw. they blend. k back to my rant, these strings of trend started to deteriorate faster when these guys just skate, no real actions. to me skating is about the stunts. not bout slacking under voids doin cute stunts. just a jump or one rounded flicks. even my dad could do it. please, drop it n chuck it or get a new hobby like air defying belts or somewat

but certain things are back in demand. the guitar. i dont care if ur a mat or a viced guy provided if ur well versed with earth's famous instrument. these things are earth's heavenly harps. now i see more people slacking with their friendly guitar. fuck the brand as long as they make sounds its ok. i dont even mind if these guys are learning the guitar. its ok as they dont make any nuisance to me. n most probably on other people. music is a way of life. dont be dumb kays. i support these people. best of luck to them who are learing to play the guitar superbly (me)

the highlight of todae is bicycles. forget those weird bicycles which look like severely deformed bikes. im talking bout bikes on roads, real cycles. the shit. this cant be a trend as its way to expensive to afford. this will forever be a passion to most. the feeling of further upgrading ur gear is unexplainable. to see cyclist zoom past u. to catch the sudden breeze from them, to awe at their bike or perhaps a nice smile from them can just make ur day. if any mats were to do dis to u while riding the deformed bikes, how wud u feel? its ugly n slow. n i guess my mom would win a race against them. imagine dat, my mom.

n shit, this passion is eating a hole in my pocket n a hole in my chest. but is all worth it.

n btw, i need people to advise me on clothings n laptops. any takers?

2009-02-17T01:16:00.002+08:00

beside the lies?

i can show u my world, i shove a gun to ur mouth, i can rip ur mom's head out n yet u still cant see the truth dats behind all this facade. sad to noe dat human race only salvation is them themselves. we are blinded dats all/ blinded by all the greed sins n of course naked chicks. dicks to dunk chicks to chunk

2009-02-15T01:19:00.002+08:00

another random

sometimes i wished some of these post are in 3D. so dat u can get the message n not to ponder to wrong sides of my words. or better still, a nice guitar riff dat suites the mood of my blog post. who noes, it may even move u to so called tears. if dats the case, blogs are not called blogs animore they will be called shitcakes. but hey try to imagine dat. wouldnt it be sweet?

since im once again bored, i wish to bring up the topic of valentynes yet again to all of u out there. some of u guys are love struck or just into the ocasion without realising the history to it. just for ur info, Valentine's day is to honour 2 christian matyrs or warriors on their so called conquest for watver they do. its more to cards, cakes and flowers. so wat are u guys celebrating it for? for the sake of love or for the sake of ur past religious history? think dudes.

on a side note, i only had 4 valentine girls. 2 of them is my current gf n the other 2 is my exes. if my blog is happening or even popular i can make a story telling side just for this occasion. tell me ur stories n such. i wanna noe too wat fuck did u do to ur valentine girls/guys/boys/jerk/bitches/ and the list goes on n on with colourful vulgarities. god pls salvage me from my boredom.

2009-02-15T01:05:00.002+08:00

untold story

random thoughts and conditions

i tried to wrote this in ink
but i failed to make it speak
instead i had to swallow it
it stays, it stains, it leaks from me

i cant afford to buy you diamonds
i cant afford to buy you the sea
i can give you my sincerity
yet you broke my reality to my insanity

why are you blind, illiterate
as you obliterate my life
cant you see the unspoken words
as you deny me from your side

2009-02-15T00:33:00.002+08:00

Certain things better not said.

i wanna rip myself off from my dream.
0t detnaw i tad ton sti
emit tsal u niwonk ecin

2009-02-14T22:29:00.002+08:00

Reverse, preserve or to be served?

Valentynes!! HAPPI VALENTYNES MY DEAR!!!!!!!!

ok back to my reality. the current situation is perfectly simple yet delicately sickening to say the least. im hungry. n after u guys read this, i will be already half dead due to boredom. boredom is like a deadly gas, smthin dat u cant see but certainly feelin it.

i will updates u guys later again aye?

2009-02-10T19:40:00.002+08:00

This is the 1st

This just doesnt feel rite animore.. yes sure fuck i do crave for the poly status in me back then, i took frens for granted, i took things to lightly. yet in these few months they can literally shatter me to pieces if i were to noe dat i may not be in their presence yet again. to enjoy in their warm presence. this will stain me. it will stay with me

i dont even noe wat the fuck i want to type here. its just way to hard to stop all these emotions to pour out. im not going to be away from them for about a month or 2, im to be away from them life almost forever or until time n place permits us back together as a whole once again. its the type of feeling dat will cause u to sit down one corner n just think back of all the things u did from the start till the bitter end. till the end.

watver the case, i will not forget all of them as they did touch my heart. friends rarely touch me. RARELY. u should noe me. please dont forget me as i wont forget any of u guys. i noe its too early to state my goodbyes but hey, its too much even for me to take. thanks.

to any of my classmates reading this, i love u guys.

2009-02-09T22:39:00.002+08:00

Syneresis

try to find this meaning in ur dickionary

2009-02-07T16:46:00.002+08:00

Eating through my brains

here i am again posting another pointless rants of mine. well i cant help it, this boredom is chewing through me, straight through me as if im unrealized into this world. ahaha boredom bebeh

since im bored, i feel like making somethings dat may prove usefull in my current state of mind. this includes: molasses, food, pyrotechnics, new blend of ciggies.
aha. this is so not working out. im bored

2009-02-07T14:57:00.001+08:00

Things are not usually what it seems to be. - Nat

2009-02-07T14:45:00.002+08:00

Of bliss and tragedies

had a semi blast yesterday at my own school of ITE SIMEI. we had this half dead party goin on. its the usual: crowd dont give a damn bout wat ur sayin or wat ur tryin to do. and the all so prominent blatantness goin on amongst ourselves. yes we were dressed to do some things but fuck, we cant due to the restrictions of the P.A system. the speaker burst n lightings are out.

as per norm, i chase down the food n gobble it up asap as im famished. ahah nothing new for me aye? we had this mini dance floor goin on but as u guys noe it, rockstars dont dance. so i went around the school to look for my dearest ghost but couldnt find any. there is a big reaction to the stadium. its frigid dark n clammy for some reasons.

so after all dat shits, we went straight to my home town, TAMPINES BEB! to chill it out. debrief bout the things n started to talk bout ite /poly life. being the hybrid there i felt bad as im about to leave the bonds of friendships i made there. though they will still be my friends, it will never be the same as i will never see them by my side animore, no more laughters of lame malay jokes nor the test of strength from me n the fucking aloof-ed guy.

i did enjoy dat day. it just leave me a fuzzy feeling dat i will miss them shitcakes.
im still a human afterall.

owh ya, a word of fucked wisdom: Success is measured by decision and not by possesion.
meaing to say dat so wat if u have all the riches in the world yet ur being upstart to urself n others. u wish to be happy in ur own terms n not in ur circle of friends. AJEY!

Nat sudah bersabda.

2009-02-05T20:57:00.003+08:00

My girl will laugh with me when the morning comes

WHERE IS THE PROPAGANDA OF ALL GENOCIDE???????????????????????
as u can see, this is truly me, the real author for this blog. u guys wouldnt care much aniwae as this is by far the last resort of bored bloghoppers. i wouldnt careless either. this shud be put to rest for good. nothing good is coming out from it aniwae.

well the updates for me goes like this
-D7 for my second sitting for my O levels
-collecting cash for my bike license
-started to think rationally
-admission to rp - aerospace avionics
-im bored
-im craving for ciggs
-im bored
-im bored
-im bored
-still bored
-WOOHUHUHUHU BORED

2009-02-04T21:10:00.002+08:00

Guess whose?

Left,that's prawn eyebrow. Right,that's where Elephant lives. As usual,Nat has nothing to blog and asked me to update for him. Well,he got good news but I'm not sure if he want to spread it out. Eventhough knowing not many will enter his blog and read his shit. Nat's blog is like the last resort blog to read right? And now,his blog has become cemetery. Seriously,I must admit. I don't know what the hell should I update for him! My brain has camel and cows' playing card games and eating kuachi. Ok I'm done.

+ Having worms as a pet. +

2009-01-29T23:07:00.002+08:00

Bit me and I twist your head.

Well,precisely there's nothing for me to blog about. Once reading this and you will know who. Well,all I can say whenever Nat is angry,never talk or speak about something that he abhors much. The only thing that can make him smile just a little is by giving him food. Food is his medicine to everything. And fish is his enemy. Ahaha! Ain't he cute? He does to me. So shut the fuck up to those who wants to criticise him. Especially to those cowards who would spam people's tagboard without putting their names. Fucking no balls.

We're saving up money,so we can spent our money together during our anniversary or any special occasion's. Well,Nat has more than just saving up for our anniversary. Obviously I don't really know what to blog about in Nat's blog. Maybe that's it for now. Hopefully Nat has something to blog about for the next post.

+ Nat. Ant. Tan. Notice sumthing? +

2009-01-18T13:10:00.000+08:00

even i have dreams of my past.

2009-01-17T16:38:00.003+08:00

Fixing fissures

well its been picking up rather slowly yet surely promising. life has been a bliss at home.i fixed my bike, i made a new bike, a hybrid i must say to the least. i have a set of hookah at home. smoking till time draws still on the clock. problems of my hunger for food had been cured. we had been eating out alot lately. ranging from fucked-up food to plainly insane nice tasting food. life has been a bliss. this is life for me! a big compensation from what i went through last year though.

well as for the band, we are going fro a recording soon. do look out for my ugly voice in my phone soon aye. we had been doing lots of survey and research for the band n decided to make it known dat we are going for experimental classic.

rite now im blasting the sound from my computer. smoking shisha. thinking craps.
NYAHAHAH! this is life!

2009-01-14T19:35:00.002+08:00

Enough is enough.

Guess i fail to get into poly yet again. this is getting rather routined aint it? yeah yeah im done n enough is enough, i've given up. Ite is aint so bad. hah. wsh me luck in all my upcoming exams in ITE. i will serve u guys the best way as i can.

2009-01-12T00:48:00.002+08:00

Speech-less much.

There's nothing much to do update for his blog here. Oh well.. Today is the big day for him. His O'level result will be out much later. Eventually,we went to walk wanie,his bunny around his home area at 10am. Timing not really that exact. His home from jamming at Champ Chan house and heard that they are covering their originals'. And currently,right now,at this time,this hour,his eating his Macdonald's that his sister has ordered! What a big eater. And he actually make me dissapointed earlier for some reason. Idiot TAUFIK! Amek kau.. Ahahaha! Ok. I just don't really know what to post about. And I just love the picture we took on Saturday before I went to work. Its just so perfect! I'm so having this picture print and put it in my photo album!

+ And I'm Ell. Nat's so-called fatty yet hyper gf.(did i?) +

2009-01-06T13:43:00.002+08:00

Dude, dat is just wrong somehow.

in just 2 fucking days we had fought endlessly. no, im not talking about my fucking pillow nor my invisible bed. im talking bout my gf. its fine if u guys think dat im just insecure n such but i noe dat girl better than u guys noe ur mums. fuck maybe im just jeles or perhaps just overeacting. but take this for a start.

if u can do it, i can do it way fucking better.

2009-01-02T01:20:00.002+08:00

What different am i

to the others in this world? dont they commit crimes or bad shits just for their own good? i noe i have been bad at home, especially to my granny. its not dat i dont welcome here n such. its just dat spare a thought for me, i need privacy sometimes rite? i welcome her here if there is a spare room for her. by all fucking means, stay there till u drop dead. i dont mind, i will pray for u departure, i will read u the last rites from the quran, i will bless u for a safe trip to ur afterlife. why am i stating all this?

the reason is simple. she finally moved out from this house due to the fact dat she wanted to, as she hates it here. why? we dont talk to her. how am i suppose to talk to her when i hold a grudge against her? i hate her for the fact dat she destroys the peace in my house. n now when she is off to my cuzzie's house, my dad is gloomy. i noe my dad he is never gloomy. he is either happy or just plain angry. he is gloomy now. i feel bad. he is my dad after all.

the other fact is dat i cant see anybody cry. even though i hide it alot, it still hurts me to the core. im still usin this heart of mine aite. i heard my granny said dis when she is at my cuzzies house. i will translate it in simplified english aye. "i noe im old and useless, i cant walk, i always ask for this n dat, pls dont hate me, im sorry. please forgive me for everything, i will not bother u(my family) "

i have a heart n it hurts to hear dis. i just made a stern face n just smirk. hiding wats deep down.
im always great at dat but somehow i felt dat i must share this to u guys as its quite overwhelming for me to see an old lady pleading. i will pray to god n hope dat she is happy there. deep down inside, she is still my grandma who use to take care when im young n oblivious of life ahead of me.

though i may look as if i dont care for the world, i still do take things into my heart to think whats the best for them eventhough if it hurts them to the core. my family lacks bonding. so i hope dat at my cuzzie's house she would be more happy as there are more people there, especially small kids to play with her.

i noe its not right to say this here but i swear to god, im so sorry for what i've done to my granny. like they say it is always the mess dat reminds u of who left u. my family is still in a little mess rite now.

cherish every single shits dat life has given u as u may not noe when it is pulled back from u. He rips what He sows.

2008-12-30T07:28:00.003+08:00

heheh, i found out what causes my insomnia

fine im bored down here not having to sleep a wink. so i made a little research bout it. they smart fucks says dat it may be caused by stress, depression, or even anxiety. i think i noe myself so im safe to say dat im not depressed. coz there is nothing to be sad about currently. im happy or just plain bored most of the times. so i went a little deeper n found out dat if ur sleeping area is changed n ur not comfortable with it, it will eventually lead to an insomnia outburst for ur cute little eyes. so yes, im disturbed bout the fact dat i dont have a fucking bed to sleep till 2013. it is the dumb year where im done with my NS, done with school n done with almost everything in my ferst quarter of my life.

n i did a little back track n found out dat i started losing sleep eversince the magnificent half-dead grandma moved in. since then im woohuhuhu happy at night. doin practically nothing other than eating, exercising, watching tv, or the guy's favourite pastime. hehe shake the fucking stick bebeh! even if i were to go to the docs they will not grant my salvation by giving me the precious sleeping pills. they will instead pry onto my life asking shitakes of stuffs dat will make me pissed like a shitheaded brain fuck face. so the questin is, should i or should i not go?

me: can i sleep now?
Pillow: fuck u idiot. its no.
me: why.. im tired (making semi-cute faces n a cute tone)
pillow: bye. im sleeping with ur so called bed.
me: ......

2008-12-30T07:07:00.002+08:00

Fuck it

this is just not working out. i tried to be nice to u. tried to be there n such. but when im there, how the fuck did u treat me? u treat me like a cunt like im a dust bunny. i noe dat whenever im bored or tired i would always come to u im so sorry for dat but cant u pls help me for once down here? its killing me so softly yet so badly. damn ur one sick shit i must say. Y CANT U LET ME SLEEP U FUCKING DUMB PILLOW! im tired down here n u stay still there lying on my so called bed doin nothing just laying there staring straight at me. goodness! console my fatique man. i need it. i cant fucking sleep if ur all soft or ur all to hard n mean to my neck or my semi-empty head of mine. my friends asked me to just let u do as u please but fuck! ur not dowin anything u fucking dumb pillow!!!!!

ahaha random huh.

i cant sleep. i seriously cant sleep.
god help me.

2008-12-29T18:17:00.002+08:00

dumbstruck, dumbfucked

cant help but to watch the burial rites for the malaysian king or watever his rank is. n i thought dat when a muslim human is dead, the girls needs to dress decently covering all places dat guys may find alluring. ok fine they girls/women there did but wat caught my attention is dat they donned the traditional scarf which they only cover a portion of their head. theier hair is visible n they wera glitters on their eyes. wowness? i thought this is suppose to be a solemn affair for all the deceased family friends n yet they wear dat?

dat is lame. i recommend dat they should wear bikini to flaunt watever small things they have underneath dat fake cover-up-to-look-decent wear. i bet the deceased will jump for joy wherever he is from.

ok im done

2008-12-25T03:54:00.002+08:00

Hello there mates, its back to the dates.

i've no ifdea y the hell im postin all this. but hey it helps to ease this big boredom of mine. so pls be bored as u read thru all the factors or dates in my life so far. ahaha i hope u get bored.

Saturday, September 09, 2006
my ferst eevr anniversary dat is celebrated with a proper smiles n such

Sunday, September 24, 2006
my fesrt ever sneaking out-of-house action.

Sunday, October 08, 2006
ahaha dis is random, i remember i wrote this, hoping to send ut to rynn
Menjamu tamu dipagi raya
Penangan sura rasanya tawar
Hendak bertemu apakan daya
Hanya suara menjadi penawar

Friday, October 20, 2006
a proof dat ramadahan still have stupid spirits around

Monday, October 23, 2006
a decison to let her 'free' to go anywhere with anibody what so ever. my regret

Wednesday, November 01, 2006
the ferst post from a different person. i didnt noe this exist in my blog. heh, i wasted it didnt i?

Friday, December 01, 2006
the second post from her, didnt noe this exist either. owh ya, this is the day where sultan jokes comes into mind. Sultan kene spank from datin

Thursday, December 14, 2006
shampoo-ed my hair in the rain. NYAHAHA

Friday, January 19, 2007
nad n me started to drift apart

Tuesday, April 10, 2007
one week break from nad.

Sunday, April 29, 2007
its finally over between nad n me

hey continue this later kaes? im havin headaches.

2008-12-25T01:16:00.002+08:00

It strikes 12

well it strikes 12 an hour ago. ahah just making a so called cool heading for a dumb post here. bleargh. im growing thick n ugly facial hair as i sat here day by day at home doin practically nothing. yeah u heard me: nothing. the nights are not even filled with joyous entertainment by the Street 71. ah well, they lived in pasir ris while i lived in tamp aniwae. cant be blamed. as for the moment, i need frens who can stake out at nite even if its outside their doorstep. i wouldnt mind much if they were to just step outside. dat would fill my raging boredom. raging boredom i say!! bleargh lonely nights can be such a drag. it can drag me brainless.

somehow i think dat its wise to save up rite now. i have no idea what the fuck dat im saving for but im saving for the sake of saving. perhaps its for my license in death riding or perhaps for just my personnal entertainment. ah u will never noe. ahaha as if i would noe better. boredom fills the gap in the spaces i wrote down here. there is nothing to do for goodness sake. BORED!

rite now i thinbk dat sleep would be a nice thing to do but sadly im robbed of dat. some idiotic events in my life robbed me from my sleep at night!. bleargh. imagine this. ur bored headless n u cant sleep at night n ur house is filled with living corpse. they cant move n they cant scare u. how fucking disturbing n boring is dat. i need an escape! the great escape or even the sweet escape from god noes which idiotic singer sang dat dumb song. WOOO! if u were to throw a bomb outside my house i would gladly play cath with dat. wanna noe why? im fucking bored here. god help me!

should i self invite myself to see the darn movies with the 71? ahaha i would feel fucking awkward if i were to do dat. BLEARG!

2008-12-23T04:47:00.002+08:00

A brief summary of my life last 2 years

this is only the beginning. i will update with 2007 till 2008 if i have the time

Monday, March 20, 2006
someone asked me to stop smokin last time. i failed so she decided to slit her wrist.

Saturday, March 04, 2006
the day i was admitted to the hospital due to asthma. almost died

Tuesday, April 18, 2006
lost my virginity. or somewhat close to it.
last time i couldnt even walk my gf to school

Saturday, May 27, 2006
Finally broke up with rynn

Thursday, June 01, 2006
I got a god sis

Thursday, June 15, 2006
my ferst foot to esplanade

Thursday, June 22, 2006
Im with ruz

Monday, July 10, 2006
Broke up with ruz

Monday, July 15, 2006
started goin mad in words. i started to post weird stuffs.

Friday, July 21, 2006
begins to think about my god sis

Friday, July 28, 2006
my ferst slacking session with my god sis n friends

Sunday, July 30, 2006
gave my god sis a puzzle to solve. its just a twist in words about me askin for her hand. but she cant figure it out

Monday, August 07, 2006
my ferst 'job' from her.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Im with NAD!!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006
a ridiculously long post about love n life

Friday, August 25, 2006
me and nad we caught 'fondling'

2008-12-22T16:54:00.002+08:00

Draft 1

Take a look inside your hearts
And tell me what do you see
Is it hate and misery?
If it is where is purity?

You told your lies till the end
What you gain through this pain?
Cant you see you've gone so long
You've been wrong all along

This is life as you deemed fit
Dont you think that you wasted it
Why dont you restart all this
Re-live it as it begins

NYAHAHAHA!

2008-12-22T16:52:00.001+08:00

A song for u.

get this down n head to youtube.
its nice for me n i think its nice for u as well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNdQktGVw2M

2008-12-19T02:18:00.003+08:00

Honey on my keyboards

My dear girl, i noe dat i've been bad to u in the past, not thinkin of the consequences of all the things dat i've said n did. i noe dat i've hurt u more than any other guys did. i noe im not the perfected guy dat u had seen through ur eyes. u heard more lovely stories from ur friends bout their partners. they bring each other out to places of i didnt even noe existed in singapore. i've only brought u to places a few dozen yards across my place. im nothing compared. im nothing. im broke without redemption. im unstable. im not good lookin. im short. im ur worst nightmare sometimes.

My dear girl, im so sorry dat i've never drag u to cool places during our monthly anniversary. im sorry dat i've wasted the one year anni. im sorry dat i've wasted most of ur patience sometimes. im sure ur envious of others around u. im sorry dat i never dressed nicely whenever we go out together. if i got the clothes i would glady donned it for u. just for u my special.

My dear girl, im so sorry dat sometimes ur ashamed of going out with me. im never ashamed of going out with u no matter how u look. no matter if ur having a wardrope malfunction. coz to me ur the greatest thing dat happen to me this year. or perhaps in my life dat im going through currently. though i may sing praises about my other exes, they are nothing compared to the things we done together. they are nothing n yet ur everything to me.

My dear girl, if u were to ask me to lay still in the middle of the road with all the cars going towards me just to prove to u dat ur special to me, i would do it. i would dash straight to the car without any hesitation. if u were to ask me to slit my throat just to prove dat i love u, i would chop my head off. if u were to ask me to give u a bouquet of roses, i would steal money to get it for u. i wouldnt mind spending time behind bars as i noe its worth it. coz my dear girl, ur special and ur my everything.

My dear girl, im so sorry for the things i did.
My dear girl, pls dont cry reading this coz ur making me sad if u were to cry. i've made u cry way to many times. im sorry for dat.

With all the love there is in the world, i would gladly kill them all just to show to them dat this is the one dat is to be followed n to be remembered.

Hey dear, i love you.

2008-12-18T12:37:00.001+08:00

If u guys are just a bored as me then i would recommend this.

get ur fingertips down to business by going to youtube. heheh im a fan of it nowadays. then type in Project Pop n listen to Dangdut is the music of my country. or be free to leisten to all of their songs. its nice. its recommended to only malay dickheads only.

boredom strikes me twice yet i still aint shy.

2008-12-18T01:11:00.002+08:00

Wooden box

day in day out. The usuals becomes nothing n the nothings becomes the usuals. im missing something dat i myself cant figure it out. something profound yet simple enough to get by somthing priceless yet it hurts way to much if its gone. wat the fuck is dat thing?

grant me my salvation.
get me a job please.

2008-12-16T03:25:00.002+08:00

Upgradings of the scope

this is randomized blue but somehow i felt dat its quite possible in making ur own sheesha bottle or watever its called. the looks of the sheesha thingy is rather sophisticated but the functions of it is easy to replicate. to me its just a glass bottle with a long tube in the middle folowed by a base to contain the tobacco itself. n of course along the tube is a pipe where the smoke will exist from the base n onto our smoke-hungry lungs. i've calculated the cost of this rare prototype of manufacture n it will only cost approximately $4. this is only the manufacture of the bottle itself. i have yet to find the tobacco.

but aint getting the bottle first better than getting the tobacco? the things needed are rather easy to get as they have it almost in all schools be it primary or secondary. u guys may think dat wtf is Nat thinking rite? ahaha welcome to my mind shitass. i need lab equipments. those precious glassware. i aint gonna tell specifically wat as this is my design n i dont wish for others to copy me. u wanna noe the stuff than u should join me in gathering the stuffs. u wont have to buy it. we will only have to steal it. take it like im the urban robin hood robbing the rich n feeding the sub-level of people.

this is a 50%-50% stake as it may not work as wat i planned it to be. but still its worth a shot aint it? so anybody care to join me? take it as a final dnt project with a blend of Nat's mind.

I think im crazy sometimes.

2008-12-14T00:16:00.000+08:00

2008-12-13T16:39:00.001+08:00

An this is the current outstanding girl!

Khairiyah!
Or known as Vadiella

2008-12-13T16:29:00.003+08:00

Nothing new, just me n my used love

Welcome to the gallery of sins and heartaches

Rynn

Ruz

Nad

Celestine

2008-12-13T16:01:00.002+08:00

The decors, the beauty of a name, yet sadly its just a decoration.

Till now i have yet to find the meaning of somethings such as chicken soup for the soul. who wants a bloody chicken soup for the soul? i would gladly take a chicken chop for my tummy. ahaha crap aint it. well dat was just a prelude for the things to come in my blog sooner or later. i have finally found the things dat i wanted but going towards it will only meant the same old shits. so why not i stay in this shell for the moment. just to be safe.

how i wish to bring 2 things together n make it my very own.

looking back all the pics i had taken n being taken for me, i have only one thing to say. what the hell had happened to me. i was much more happier last time with my fatty smiles n my semi-pious self. now look at me. im not usually happy n dont even talk my pious-ness. i lost it all for the moment. seize the day bitches.

celestial nymphetamine.
i kinda wish its true.

2008-12-11T17:36:00.002+08:00

When i grow up, i wanna be a fucking worm.

My eyes are stoned, my mouth hangs from my jaws, my fingers are moving fast due to the fact dat im writing this entry, my brain half awake leaving the other half dormant yet somewat active in thinking craps to entertain my empty head. this is random but when i grow up, i wanna be a fucking worm so i can all of u fuckers who used to fucked my life. after all in all, worms are the sole breadwinner of the world.

where is my ITE warning letter?

hopefully i will update something more sensible n pleasing for ur eyes soon. coz for the moment, im feeling crappy. nyahahah fuck u bitches

2008-12-09T23:17:00.002+08:00

Blog post number 910. Its getting old aint it?

this is my post for the day.
Till then.

NYAHAHAHAHA

if i ask u to read, will u pls fucking read? if i ask u to check back on the post, will u pls check back on the fucking posts? im shleeepy n tempremental. im hungry.

2008-12-08T11:23:00.004+08:00

Welcome to semi-dark breed.

4 straps, 4 buckles. The 4 dots to my hand. beauty aint it bitchole?
just for the sake of updating this old joint of mine. dont get ur hopes up of discriminating me.
I OWNED THIS SHIT

2008-12-07T23:33:00.002+08:00

Daily rants from the dying

imagine this. ur authenthic family members are busy doing preperations for the special day december 08. n ur so called fake family members are making stupid shits. drawing all the attention to them, the fake ones in this house. BLEARGH! why the hell must i live up with these idiots at home.

On a MAJOR side note,

HAPPI (monthly)ANNIVERSARY MY DEAR!

2008-12-03T23:11:00.002+08:00

My rural tranquility

i cant help but to emphasize dat my life is getting boring ever since the end of my o level career. both of them actually. my life drop to a silent standstill with only my not so frequent outings at nite. other than dat, im stucked at home doing pratically nothing. i treid finding jobs n such but its all futile. i guess some people have all the luck there is in the world. so currently im living my ass off with the amount of cash i got for school. so just how much did i get so far? im ashamed to tell u guys.

compare my life to the others around u, look at what they where, they look like a walking wardrope with all the branded shits. branded tee, branded pants, branded watch, brands here n there. why not change ur name to Diesel or somesort. wouldnt dat make u someone? ask ur mom to create another brother for u n make his life branded. sighs. how i wish im like dat. some work to get to dat standard, some just live off their parents money. well look at me. just take a good look at me. i stink from top to toe. ahaha im close to a country bumpkin.

sometimes gettin urself to high places really makes u think who the fuck are u to this world. who is ur frens n who is just ur smoking buddies. i noe some of my friends fall to dat level after a friendship of so long.did they change or did i change? if u ask me i would certainly say dat they change. but if u ask them, they would certainly state dat i changed. im stating the obvious, im not oblivious.

so what is the difference between poly n ite life? is it the fact dat u guys get to where home clothes n report to school like some big shot wearin all those hoodies n khakis? as far as i can see, people label the poly students as snobbish and the ite people as rowdy matrep kinds. aint this unfair. what would u feel if u fall onto my situation? at dis rate, i can only sing praises to all those who made it to poly n sing a bitter swansong for those who did not. then again this is my view of things, for those who disagree, dat is ur prob. aint mine

there is one thing left in my mind.

i find it pointless to cower in loud songs or to stay protected behind my clenched fist. why would u look down on me? im already small in size, ur makin me feel like im nothing. why? they say dat hings happens for a reason, n i have yet to find my own reason. im restless, fucked up trying to find this answer yet they again say dat dont try to find the answer as they will come to me naturally. so my question to them is till when? im doing all these as another option to waiting as waiting makes my life more draggy than it is. im like the cheesy soap opera with only a slight peek in the suspense.how i wish to live life in horror movies or in a thriller sets. wouldnt it be nice?

am i not exercising self control?

i stated my envy, shown my jealousy, why dont you show me insanity. coz im done with reality.
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-12-03T21:37:00.002+08:00

Heaven's carapace

Note to self this is a tragedy, this is where im the parody

Wat could make this more worse, a boring day r perhaps a very bad cold. my fucked nose is giving me the urge to cut it off n throw it away some where far. its leaking shitcakes here shits. back on the side of life, im close to nothing here. people are busy with their hectic but fun lifestyle, either by going out with frens or perhaps working with their great buddies. wat am i to do here?

2008-12-01T21:32:00.002+08:00

The nothingness

2008-11-25T13:51:00.003+08:00

Amplified magnetic booster series 903

To see a world in a grain of sand,
A heaven in a wild flower,
Piece of hell through a woman lips,
An ecstasy to her touch.

DUDE! fucking bored here shitface!

2008-11-23T02:17:00.000+08:00

smiles.

2008-11-18T18:32:00.003+08:00

Placentapede

i've nothing to do. nothing much to see. nowhere else to go. wowness. boredom at its peak. i think i will crumble to nothingness in the next few hours if this keeps up. im fucking bored down here.

2008-11-16T07:09:00.002+08:00

Exact figure, refined contours of 900

This is based on actual events. im not lying im not exaggerating, its all from my eyes, my half stoned eyes. so here it goes. its was approximately around 1+ going to 2am when my friends call me up to go some outrageous outing to god noes where. after a few mins of deciding, we agreed to go to Yio Chu Kang cemeterial zone. its near by Jalan Bahas (unsure of the name though)

as per normal, we blasted off songs after songs, sang along to the harmonious tune led by the radio, boasting about our infamous Street 71 n its courages members. we were boasting our face off. all got to a sudden stand still when we started to feel cold. we never did switch on the air-con in the frigid car. its all natural breeze. i presume dat the natural breeze is approx ard 30 degrees. it came to around 25+ degrees. u guys may ask how wud i noe rite? our hands starts to feel numb. n the time frame was ard 2.40+am. n we were by passing Jurong, somewhat near to Tuas.

then as suddenly as it came, the temp starts to get normal again. kinda weird for a start there. so i was looking out at the window as i was sitting by it. i kept on looking around hoping to get a glimpse of the unatural around us. i did saw one. it was a faint light in the far distant. firstly i thought it was a lamp post light. but how can dat be if its in the middle of a forested area n how come it las so long n why does it flicker light how a fire does. to add on to dat it was moving up n down, slowing n zooming through the forest. i pointed at it so dat my friends could see, but like how all ghost story goes, they never did saw it. i just shrugged it off.

soon the ferst sight of a whitish tombstone can be seen. we embraced ourself so dat we can be so called prepared. we wind up our windows n stared out into the darkness. nothing but freakishly white tombstones staring at us. by this we concluded dat we are at a muslim cemeterial site. silence filled the car. nothingness. i wound down my window n popped my head out. we only hear crickets n a distant wailing sound. we never took any actions for dat. after a few rounds of the site, we got bored. so we decided to go to its neighbouring area, the chinese graves. we drove out n headed into the darkness of the place to get ourself to the chinese zone.

we drove past dozens or perhaps hundreds of graves n soon we stop. a glass bottle was in the middle of a junction, somewhat telling us not to go on perhaps. being the idiotic devils dat we are, we got down to our feet n started trotting around the area. we needed some place to sit n chill so dat we could make it more worth while. we walked to the nearest shelter, bypassing rows of the dead's ashes urns, gloomy trees, shattered pathways. when we got ther we sat n smoked. i was bored so i started asking my friends how are they feeling n such. all were okay, fine n dandy. so i asked the only girl there, n she happens to be the driver. she, being born with the curse of seeing the unholy, told me dat she saw an old lady nearby our area. but the funny thing is, i cant sense anything. nothing at all. n before we freaked ourself there, we moved on.

n i noticed dat Anggerek, the girl driver name, was the last to leave. i saw her staring at the same spot where i felt a sudden chill. i was telling mysef dat whu noes she just mentally wondered off somewhere. so we walked down the path n sang some songs. the weird thing was dat she started to walk damn fast. bypassing us n me, being the guy at the front. my friend kept on calling out to her, but there was no response. i tried to keep myself in control n walk up next to her. her expression was blank, eyes stoned, posture adjurned as if she noes where the hell she is going. so we followed her. it was almost reaching the car when she make a sudden dash to her left, shocking us all. i ran up to her with my friend, Derek, who happens to be brave too at dat time. she walk straight up about 4 graves n stop. she stared at it. i knew dat something was wrong. i walked up to her n gave her a nice friendlt slap at her hand. she dropped to the floor, eyes closed.

i panicked. the other was just dumbstrucked/ dumbfucked. i ask Derek to carry her to the main pavement. then the weird shit starts to happen. she starts to scream, laugh, throw tantrums n made a lustful look at us. she became violent when i tried to slap her to reality. she got up n wanted to dash off. we hold her down n asked Aliff to get the hell out of here with the car. i ended up at the boot of the car with a possessed idiot. i admit i was scared. ask my friend to say the AL-FATEHA to her. it doenst work. she got more violent. we got by to a normal neighbourhood n settled down under a void deck, with her being zombified. we saw an old Pakcik n asked him for help due to the fact dat he was using a songkok n we deemed him as a pious/religious man. but he said this: "Maaf, saya tak dapat bantu" it may seem normal to u. but something is amiss. he appeared from nowhere n even said a higher standard of malay to us. n to make things more weird, he dissapeared soon after. he was old n walking darn slow n yet he went missing in just a few turns of our head.

in the end, we went back to the grave site, hoping to put an end to this. the time was ard 5.20+am. things are not looking so great for us. we did reached there by 5.45+am since we got lost somehwere. we dragged her out. tried to make her back to normal. she just passed out n soon regained consiousness. she remembered nothing n complained of a heavy thrubbing at her head. after awhile, we went back to tampines, my area. she still doesnt noe of the things she went through. when we got down the car, i saw my dad at the far distant of the road. he was looking at me rather fiercely. he is fierce but not to dis extend. i saw him raising his right hand, pointing his index finger to the sky, sweeping it across the bridge of his nose n soon slash it down in mid air. i saw him walk to my lobby. i saw him went up. soon after dat i went up as well. but i was at the lift lobby all the time. went i got back home, i did not see my dad. he was not at home. so who the hell was dat i saw. he resembles my dad. n how did he noe dat we were in need of his help back then? n how come my ring became the focus of her? whats with the old pakcik? what did i really saw at the forest? n what happen to Anggerek?

rating of adventure 10/10
rating of thrill 10/10
rating of scare factor 8/10
rating of stupidity 1000000000/10

to whoever can answer my questions, be free to tag me.

2008-11-14T19:42:00.002+08:00

Its reaching a 1000.

if you could see through my eyes
a table laid for four with one by the door
a foreigner speaks, acts and shine
where is the boundary of love n its line?

if you could see through my eyes
the reason for telling all those infectious lies
and the bare truth that never seemed right in theirs
tyranny at its best bestowed upon me through these eyes

yet back then we were once close, a true family
what went wrong in the days that i grew
what went wrong in the things that i do
and now we only share the blood that flows through

2008-11-12T05:05:00.002+08:00

Pouts and bouts

Somehow my mind is easily ignited n this will lead to me living in my fantasy world. Imaginative, creative or just being empty headed? i longed to be someone. just someone in life but to what extend? to what extend is possible n to what extend is impossible? where is the fine line dat divides this 2 factors from each other? where is the warning signs? where is the bright red colour to make me stop the "normal" things dat i do everyday? Life is a joke, a fantasy, a bitter truth, an erotic dream or just mundane. am i going to lead my life astray like the normal malay shits out there? Gettin shotgun marriages while still jobless? dat is the typical hardcore malay. they are someone yet they stoop too low. to what level am i referin to?

yet at the end of the day its just u who would stay n perhaps say dat ur the one dat is left. after all, at the end of the days, it is only u who will have to answer the calling.

Of love n lust dusk to dust
who are we to talk about love? have we gone thru the true meaning of love? television shows the action n reactions of love but does it show u the meaning? TV is misleading, yet its exciting aint it? to see a typical guy chaisng a high class bitch. the things he do n the things he went through. its all nice n dandy but waht about in reality? does it look as easy as it look on the tv set? till now, there is no definite answer to what is love. dont believe me? ask around u n tell me. wouldnt u be asking urself this? what is love n what is like? what is adore n what is flirting? what is love n what is lust?

so are u sure dat ur partner is the one u love or the one u wish to vent ur lust on or perhaps the one whom u adore so much till ur confused of the word love n its real meaning. to me, we are only suited to feel a subtle love, similar to the mix of lust n infatuation. aint it time for u people out there to think it through?

Love. Lust. Infatuation. Care.
which one do u think suits u and ur partner?

2008-11-11T15:34:00.003+08:00

Sound the surrender

as i type my shits down here in my mini hellhole, tons of things are going thru my mind. did i say the right words? or did i made another blunder? if ur heart n mind are unsure, who the hell do u turn to? ur friends, ur family, or ur own confused self?

2008-11-08T13:22:00.002+08:00

Understanding the purpose of oblivion n its vision

its been days aint it? nothing but slacking n school these days. let me rephrase it, its been more to slacking then schooling as i dont realy study in dat hell hole of mine. its BLATANT! MUNDANE! nothing but a big blah in my life currently. sadly there is not much content dat u can read here currently. im just updating for the sake of updating. nothing much huh.

Wel yesterday was my 16mnths with Vadiella. spent itwith hadi, the ex of hers. ahaha nothing to be awkward of just as the saying goes, the more the merrier. we had a perfect blend of sheeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssshaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. it was vadiell's ferst. so she look kinda awkward. too bad i didnt take pic. i kinda forget bout it. but still its a rather big change due to the fact dat we always celebrate it only in tamp n such nearby places. owh by the way, never step foot in takashimaya, the place will make people like the hbt feel like they are from the stone age.
trust me bitches!

2008-11-02T01:24:00.002+08:00

Our world is red

the things we went through is burning up all those lies
and im sorry for all promises stated on for our lives
sadly im blinded by desires and your chained by knives
yet you tried to make me smile

yes i know that you can never go and leave me all alone
you're just to scared that this world is crazy and might slit you up
though there are time where i state that you should give up
yet you tried to make me smile

cant you see, the more you give the more you bleed
this world is crazy and its all on me
cant you see that my heart is red
and i've painted it red

just to make you happy that you're with me
i had to slit my wrist and bleed it straight
so i can give you the colour you love so much
till you would smile and let me be, on my own

and all i want is for you to think it through
for all the things that i had done for you
be it great or worse or stupid or just being dumb
its just to show you that i've cared for you
yes its true

cant you see, the more you give the more you bleed
this world is crazy and its all on me
cant you see that my heart is red
and i've painted it red

painted red.

2008-10-31T12:06:00.002+08:00

Dawn to dusk, love to dust

Maybe its just me. i cant keep still. i cant have enuff of the greatest things in life till i have to venture out to my dumbness to get the things i wanted soo much. sometimes i get it, sometimes i dont. but all these things do have an effect on me. its affecting my view for people around me n my view to my loved ones. like i said, maybe its just me.

Current status, Friday, 12.11pm.
Mood, bored

Friday. just a day after my exams. its time to celebrate aint it? should i highlight my hair till i can make human heads turn? or should i just go out n have fun with the ST.400 or the St71? or maybe go out for a cute bus ride around singapore? im just bored here. its stagnant, dusty, mundane, a big blah here at home with my grandma keep on calling out to her slave while my parents to work n my sis half dead on the sofa. I wish i could go back to sleep by my eyes are just to horny. horny for the sight of nice lookin food or the man's best friend, porn at its prime. sadly i cant enjoy with the latter as my grandma is here. i dont wish to get her horny though. its sick.

if this were to keep up, i will end up a walking dead at home.

listening to old songs, tried playing my guitar, tried figuring out on certain stuffs, tried cooking myself a meal, tried doin a back flip, almost tried to kill my grandma, tried to do a nice imitation of a pig on the sofa. tried almost everything. masturbation is not an option here as im tired for the action. i can go on n on without people reading everything. ahaha sick.

i want u to see.

this sunday will be the start of our project. though its beeeeeeeeeeeeeen long, i hope we can make it through till time permits us. hopefully someday some guys will hear us out. the subliminal shits dat will be said through me through the amp. fuck. im bored.

i wish i could gather all the people whom i touched, whom i fucked, whom i hurt to stand infront of me. aint dat nice? i mean like to see all the semi-forgotten faces, the semi-forgotten love n likes n hatred. n if all of them were to just say hi to me or even just spend time with me by just talking to me bout the things i've gone through all this while, all the shits i've done. wouldnt it be nice if dat were to be true? n at the far end of the corner there would be a time machine where i could turn back time to make things better for everybody. make things rite. make things last. make things not to happen top dis date. ahaha so much for this. so much for imagination. so much for being bored.

whats wrong with me?
whats wrong with you?
what wrong with being hungry?
ahahaha

time : 12.26

2008-10-28T00:28:00.002+08:00

Dont fucking nose around in my affairs

this goes out to whoever thinks im stating bout them. if u think im stating bout u then fuck it, its u. if u think im ranting my usual randomized shit then its just shit. fair enuff to all those who thinks they can always be there for someone everytime they are down. to dat whoever someone, take note on ur life too, do u think its nice if people were to advice ur special someone dis n dat? in away stating all the bads stuffs n shits even though u dont really get the misleaded shits im talking about? I had enuff for this shits. like the age old saying goes, once bitten twice fucking shy. if u got it then great, if u dont then great as well. i dont need to explain it. u have brains so fucking think.

i dont ask u to take the blame, i dont ask u to take all the pain there is in this world. if u say u were born to makes others smile, then i think im born to be a rash for human minds. to make them realise of the things while i get myself into deeper shit in doing so. if im born dat way, than its just too bad for the majority rite? fuck it then. always told me not to flirt n shits. what fucking better are u then? i dont wish to state it here coz im sure its gonna waste ur dignity away like u said. im the Mr no dignity to many arent i? im not pissed by this, im just pissed of the things u did. well many of u did. if i were to seek out those whom i deemed shitty, i can win god's list of executing humans per square mile.

this is reality. face it before i make it different for u.
if any of u people think u can go against me, good. it shows dat u have a brain to think. im saving on this current relationship, yet it seems dat ur making ur own with others. fuck it, im cruel. am i rite my dear guy friends? im soo fucked up in my thinking dat u dont wish to entertain me sometimes. ahahaa fuck u then. u may not see what ur doin but it just seems dat ur only making urself nice n sweet to those of the same status of u or even higher.

this goes out to whoever thinks im stating bout them

2008-10-25T00:05:00.004+08:00

Sepia of the seraphim

time is certainly not on my side when i did my maths paper. its was kinda fast. for the very ferst time doin maths papers, im actually concentrating. got to noe dat i lost 4 marks to carelessness. fuck shit on dat part. well im resting it on the shoulders of the markers across the ocean. sadly, i tried my best n still it proved to be futile. or so i presumed it to be dat way. no harm thinkin u've done badly rite? hopefull it will be nicer for paper 2

As full, as perfect, in vile man that mourns,
as the rapt seraph that adores and burns.

painting ur name in the lightest sepia,
the lull that sang in sweet euphoria
cant i forget those moments in black
my light fades, my cataract
lest my heart set ablaze by Him,
im stating the sepia of the seraphim

2008-10-19T01:08:00.002+08:00

All the things u did

i think im pampered, i think my mind is being tampered. it just seems like im not welcomed in this mall household of mine. i feel lonely at home even with my other family members around. though my mom and dad had done their job of placing food on the table everyday, we seldom talk things out. seldom is not the word here i guess. its never. everyday after school i will always see my mom sleeping at her room, my dad absent from home. my sis will be out with her fiance. never once did i feel dat my house was smthin to look forward to ever since i could remember. is it just me being to sensitive or is it just them being plainly ignorant of my existence as their son at home?

they treat me nicely when im around with their family, my cousins, their friends. but when it comes to being together at home, we are merely sharing under one roof. nothing much. with my grandma who is bed-ridden, my family focus is mainly on her. yes i can take care of myself, but whats the use of being called a family when u never did ask about me. u never did try to console me when im sad in one corner of the house. its all my friends. they are more like family. if u ask me who do i love more, family or friends, i would state my friends as they treat me like how parents should.

i miss the days where we will all get together as a whole family of 4 and have our family dinner together. when is the last time? i have no idea. what had i done? what had u guys done? im currently like a vagrant, living my life more to the outdoors. i miss my mom asking me how i am at school. i miss my dad sitting infront of me n talk to me bout interesting things. i miss my sister being all crappy with me. i miss my family. but the weird thing is dat i see them everyday. i really miss them.

All the things you did,
Cant forget those shit,
Why you said those words,
You just made me hurt.

I guess its over now
We messed up.

2008-10-16T21:04:00.002+08:00

Stabs from a crayon

give me a beat or a melody aye? the tittle seems nice for me.
wow im bored rite now.

2008-10-14T19:06:00.002+08:00

Dude, im done, fucking done

i find it quite intriguing if people were to say dat they go to mosque just becoz they said dat they feel uneasy at heart. u may find it weird if i were to say dat i wish to try it out myself if i were to in such a situation myself. on a side note, i wish to find a job anywhere in singapore currently as i wish to have some excess weights on my wallet. having to imagine with the money im gonna get with the job is kinda heavenly. im so wasting it on my current bicycle.

by the way, i've done some sweet tweaks on my cute little bike.

i guess its time for me to be a fucking bookworm since my O levels is just a few weeks away. if u ask me if im totaly ready for my O levels, i would say no. i deemd it as im only 70% confident of passing my maths papers. n i think dat i wud only get approximately C6 on dat dumb subject. n if i were to get dat i wud be getting a total of 23 points for my anggregate.(im not sure of the fucking spelling) 23 points. i wonder what fucking course im gonna get with dat amount of points. i cant hope much on dis as hoping way to high is totally killing me.

sighs.

2008-10-13T05:10:00.001+08:00

SWEEEET!

N the day is done with me on my shits.

2008-10-13T05:03:00.001+08:00

Preparations for some lame stuffs

look at dis cunt

The awkward dreams

The beauty n the chikopek beast

Fuck it all aye?

Oils n glitz.

2008-10-13T04:54:00.002+08:00

Here again

the 2 other small fucks

Im proud to be fuckin alive

The cross breed between beauty n plain stupidity

look at those minahs. nyahaha

fuck im sleepy. see the lips n the infamous teeth